...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
