She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Say something about gay babies.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She needs sedatives and a leash
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
