RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
