dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
