one might say we're banned from that church
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
