he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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