Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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