Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
