Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
