Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
cat food counts as protein by the way
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
