It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
