He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
