So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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