Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
