What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
