If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
