Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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