i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Found the puke drawer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
