whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
