Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
