Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
