We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
