hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
