woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
