my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
