I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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