I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
