Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
