i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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