you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
