repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
