we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
