Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i love accidental penises.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
