Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
