she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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