i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Say something about gay babies.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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