I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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