farters have to be the big spoon...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
