imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
