so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
