if i can run in heels then i can drive
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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