im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
