i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
