I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
