I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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