is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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