During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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