You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
