you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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