So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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