After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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