:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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