I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
